A Very Peculiar Mission
by Ohimesama
Summary: The Gundam Boys are given a very peculiar mission involving something called a 'Nintendo 64' console...more to come!
1. The Mission

A very peculiar mission

Disclaimer: Ohimesama does not own Gundam Wing and never will.

A Very Peculiar Mission

"We have a new mission." Heero announced as he set his computer down on the kitchen table. 

The other four pilots, in the process of breakfast, paused and looked at each other in surprise. Heero only said 'we' when all five gundams were required. Usually he just said "I have a new mission," or "Wufei has a new mission." In the rare case that they teamed up, well then it was "Duo and Trowa have a new mission."

"Are you listening?" the lead pilot demanded. The other boys snapped their attention back to his words. "This one's different." 

"Different?" Quatre repeated nervously.

"Hn." Heero replied calmly, his face expressionless as he watched the computer print out the mission details.

"How is it different?" Duo demanded, long braid twitching as he shook his head in irritation. Duo thought meals should be exceptions from all missions. Heero thought breakfast was a lovely time to announce the next suicidal attempt.

"We-el..." Heero scanned the message. "It seems we are required to pick up a certain item... it doesn't say where..." 

"Lemme see that!" Duo snatched the message out of Heero's hand.

"No." Heero grabbed it back.

As the two fought over the piece of paper, Trowa, Wufei and Quatre read the message-it was still on the computer. 

"Huh." Trowa, O quiet pilot, commented, and withdrew to his rightful chair.

"How strange." Quatre rubbed his nose in thought.

"JUSTICE!" Wufei shouted for now good reason and stomped off, muttering under his breath. "Duo, stop it! You're just getting hurt!"

Heero smirked, folding the paper into a tiny ball and closing his fist around it. Duo, sporting a red hand mark on each cheek, sat down in a huff.

"Read the message, Quatre." Trowa suggested.

"Right."

****

To the pilots of the Gundam Mobile Suits; Wing Zero, Deathscythe, Heavyarms, Sandrock and Shenlong.

From: the five scientists.

Your mission, if you chose to accept it, and you will, is to locate and retrieve an item known only as a 'Nintendo 64 game console'. Also needed are six 'Controllers' (controls of the console system) and a program called 'Mario kart 64'. Once in your possession, the pilot of Gundam Wing Zero, code name Heero Yuy, must rig the system to accommodate all six 'Controllers'. As of now, the system only supports four 'Controllers'. 

Further instructions will follow once you have completed his mission. Destroy this message as soon as all pilots have read it.

Heero stalked over to Quatre, and deftly snatched his computer back. 

"Burn this." He commanded, handing the folded paper to Wufei. As Wufei lit the paper and watched the ashes drift to the floor, Heero deleted the message off his hard drive. When he was done, Heero turned to face the other four motionless pilots.

"How odd."

The others stared back at him, waiting.

"Let's go." As though the two words released the bonds of silence holding the boys, the other four started talking all at once.

"NOW?"

Heero nodded.

"Can't I finish my muffin?"

"No."

"Do we have time for a cup of tea?"

"No."

"Where did I leave my Gundam again?"

Heero shrugged. He knew, but why tell?

"I WANT MY MUFFIN!"

"No."

Heero stalked over to Duo and cuffed the braided boy lightly. "I say we go."

"Yeah, I guess that's best."

"I can't find my keys."

"You clear the dishes."

"Where's my jacket?"

"What's the mission again?"

"I WANT MY MISSION! I MEAN MUFFIN!"

Heero laughed, and the four froze. 

"What blew up?" whispered Duo.

Heero chuckled, and stood staring at the others, his hands on his hips.

"You four are so weak." He laughed again.

"I AM NOT WEAK!"

"Chill Wufei. You all let me push you around these days. What happened to the independent streak we all shared?

No one answered. They stared back at him, wary. Heero sighed.

"Duo, finish your muffin, Quatre have a cup of tea. Trowa, you left your jacket in the front hall. Wufei, keys are in Shenlong, where they belong. See you outside at 1000 hours."

He left, shutting the kitchen door behind him with a faint click.

Wufei was the first to speak.

"I AM NOT WEAK!"

"What just happened?" Duo looked puzzled. "Wow... did Heero just actually talk to us? About something not a mission?"

Trowa shrugged. "Quatre, may I have a cup of tea?"

"Sure." The blond boy heated the water automatically, his face confused.

After having a calming cup of tea (well, Duo opted for coffee) the four went to start up their Gundams, all of which were hidden in various places.

"Deathscythe rises again!" Duo cheered as he pressed the red ON button.

Wufei sighed loudly into the intercom. "Duo, you rode Deathscythe just yesterday!"

"Oh yeah." Duo scratched his head, making faces at Wufei through the viewing window until Quatre protested-he could see Duo too.

Wing Zero rose majestically over the trees, and shot off. The four other Gundams quickly took after the flight model, running along on the ground. 

"Heero..." Trowa started, avoiding a tree.

"I have located a 'Nintendo 64' console at a store downtown."

"Oh."

"Hey, Heero," Duo chirped, "Just how are we supposed to get this console thing anyway. We can't just bomb the place like usual."

"Why not?"

The four pilots stared through their open communication windows at Heero, who was dead serious.

"That'd be...murder." Quatre said in a shaky voice.

"Hn." 

"We can't do that!" The most peaceful of the pilots protested.

"Why not? That's what we always do, isn't it?"

"Well, yes," Quatre admitted, "But, Heero, these will be innocent people."

"We have killed innocents before."

Duo scowled. "We'll go to hell if we killed some innocent shopkeeper."

"They already have a place reserved for us."

Quatre shuddered, and called on the two silent pilots. "There has to be another way, doesn't there?" He shot them a pointed look.

Trowa considered this. "I suppose so."

Shenlong dodged a large rock, and a wicked gleam came into Wufei's eyes. "I have an idea." He announced.

Quatre clapped his hands. "See Heero? I told you there was another way."

"What's the plan, Wu-man?" Duo asked.

"I'VE TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT, MAXWELL!" Wufei thundered.

Duo rubbed his ears. "Sorry, man."

Wufei calmed down after shooting a fireball at an unoffending tree. "We'll all go undercover and infiltrate this store, and one pilot will hide the console on his person."

There was silence as the four others examined the plan in their minds.

"I say we go for it." Duo cried.

"I agree." Quatre said.

"So do I." Trowa said softly.

"Hn."

Wufei smiled one of his rare smiles. "Good."

The Gundams raced along a deserted highway, leaving suspiciously large footprints in the concrete. The buildings of the fair sized city nearest to their favorite hideout loomed in the distance, rapidly growing as the boys approached.

"Um." Trowa studied the city, and tentatively made a suggestion. "Perhaps we should leave the Gundams here, for now."

Heero nodded an affirmative. The five Gundams came to a sudden stop, neatly arranged in a shining row of gundamian and power. The huge mecha spun on their man-sized heels and dove into a handy collection of trees. Trowa and Heero took advantage of the surroundings to conceal Heavyarms and Wing Zero, positioning the machines under outcrops of rock, and thick sections of trees. Wufei and Quatre placed elaborate mesh made of leaves and branches over Shenlong and Sandrock. Duo leapt out of his Gundam and casually dropped one small twig on Deathscythe's chest. The other four, now finished with their careful hiding techniques, stared at Duo.

"What?" he said defensively. "It's always worked before. My trusty twig will hide Deathscythe."

With shudders at Duo's naïve and somewhat idiotic approach, the Gundam pilots set out on foot toward the city, and the console their mission demanded they get. The sun smiled down on them, and somewhere a scientist laughed.


	2. How To Get It...

Disclaimer: Never owned it, never will.  
  
  
"So..." said Duo, flicking a stray leaf off his black sleeve.   
  
"So..." Trowa echoed.  
  
Wufei turned to face his companions. "Two of us go in there," he said vaguely, motioning to the store behind him, blatantly marked with red neon letters stating ALL TOYS, "And try to locate and retrieve a console, while the other three stand guard--one in front, one at the back door, on at the side."  
  
Heero rapped his knuckles against the brick wall of the building. "Sounds reasonable." He remarked in his monotone.  
  
"Good." Quatre said, very pleased that no one would be crushed beneath Sandrock's foot now.  
  
"Who goes where?" Asked Trowa in the polite tones of one suggesting that this matter should have been addressed before he had to bring it up.  
  
All four pilots turned expectantly to Heero, who stared back at them.  
  
"I stand guard out front," he decided, clicking the safety of his favorite handgun. Quatre eyed it nervously, but before he could speak, Heero had continued. "Quatre stands guard at the side door, Trowa at the back, and Duo and Wufei go in."  
  
He glared at them as he finished, daring them to disagree.  
  
They agreed.  
  
In a remarkably short time, in which Quatre had been offered seven different guns, a wicked curved sword, and a bazooka gun (all of which he refused, saying piously that they shouldn't be fighting), the Gundam pilots got themselves sorted out, and stalked to their signed positions (well, Quatre didn't stalk, he minced).   
  
Wufei and Duo entered the store casually together, Duo whistling something that was supposed to be reassuring but ended up extraordinarily annoying. They separated at the door, moving in opposite directions as they scanned the shelves for 'Nintendo 64' consoles.   
  
"I found one!" Duo cried triumphantly almost immediately. He had a knack for looking for certain toys he wanted, although he wasn't sure the 'Nintendo 64' console counted as a toy.  
  
Wufei hurried to his side, and they stared at the neat rows of boxes together.   
  
"Um..." Wufei said after a moment, "What color do we want?"  
  
Duo counted off their options. "Well, there is," he took a deep breath, "Gray, Blue, Black, Violet, Green, Red, Orange, Yellow, Gray-Blue, Blue-Black, Black-Violet, Violet-Green, Green-Red, Red-Orange, Orange-Yellow, Pikachu version, Gold, Silver, Cooper, Gold-Silver-"  
  
Wufei cut him off with a hasty, "Just grab one. The scientists didn't specify, so they can't care."  
  
Duo snatched one at random and clutched the box to his chest.   
  
"So, now what?"  
  
Wufei glanced at the cashier.  
  
He glanced at the door.  
  
He glanced at the detectors around the door, and then took another look.  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
Duo whimpered, hugging the box tighter. "We can't fail!" he protested. "Don't you have any money? We could buy the stupid thing."  
  
"No, I haven't got any, and neither do the others."  
  
"I'm gonna fail for the first time ever...I think!"  
  
"We won't fail," Wufei said soothingly, another wicked gleam shining in his eyes. "I have a good idea."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Duo, undo your braid."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
Outside, Heero paused in his pattern of glare, glare, glare, and cocked his head to one side, and then made an tsk-ing sound with his tongue. Couldn't Duo ever be quiet?  
  
Inside, Wufei was briskly hushing Duo. "Don't worry. Trust me, this will be worth it. You don't want to fail, do you?"  
  
Duo shot him a glare rivaling Heero's famous Say-One-More-Word-And-Die-A-Slow-And-Very-Painful-Death scowl. "I dislike you." He stated.  
  
Wufei grinned, showing white teeth. "Trust me."  
  
"Not if I can help it." Duo snorted. "Now, what am I supposed to do?"  
  
Standing by the back door, nearest to the two pilots inside, Trowa heard a short, muffled scream that sounded suspiciously like Duo's. He pressed one ear to the wall, but heard nothing more, and so shrugged, and went back to his business of staring with unfriendly eyes at any passerby going by him.  
  
Duo growled, his violet eyes tinged with fury as he looked out at Wufei from under a cloud of loose chestnut hair.  
  
"I hate this." He muttered rebelliously. "It'll take me two hours to put back up again."  
  
Wufei showed another quick evil grin. "Trust me."  
  
Duo groaned. "I really wish you'd stop saying that," he complained. "What's the next phase of the mission?"  
  
Quatre, contemplating the violent impulses of his fellow pilots, was shaken from his thoughts by a shout that sounded like, "NO WAY!" in Duo's voice. He snapped to attention, one hand flashing to a hidden pearl-handled gun tucked in the small of his back. He blushed, reminding off the secret weapon, and all it meant. The blond firmly decided it was not Duo he had heard, and went back to his musing, adding the strangeness of his own violent reflexes to the discussion in his head.  
  
"No way, man, never." Duo said, his voice low but fervent.  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
The cashier looked over at the two boys in the back of the store. They had been making some strange noises lately, and he wondered if he ought to go check on them. Then he remembered the large, bazooka gun shaped lump in the braided one's pants, and decided against it. His break came in a few minutes-let his college deal with it.  
  
Wufei had managed to convince Duo to carry out the final stages of his plan, largely by means of bribery ("I promise to give you all the candy you can eat!"), and was now waiting for the suspicious cashier to leave, and for a newer, naïve one to take his place.  
  
"I won't forget that promise." Duo muttered darkly from the floor.  
  
"Neither will I." Wufei said glibly.  
  
The first cashier finally left, shooting the boys a couple of odd looks, and another appeared as a replacement.  
  
"1...2..." Wufei whispered, "...3..."  
  
Immediately the store turned into a place of chaos and pandemonium. Duo, his hair led down, shielding and conveniently hiding his face, was running around screaming about water breaking, and hospitals. Wufei dashed around, pulling the confused cashier to Duo, who started crying on cue.   
  
"My poor baby!" he wailed.  
  
"Madam..." the cashier started, but was able to give only one swift glance to Duo's bulging stomach before Wufei turned him around.   
  
"My wife!" He shouted.  
  
"Quick, get her out of here!" The cashier gasped, thinking of blood on the clean gray carpeting.  
  
Duo, the precious box wrapped with his jacket and stuffed under his red shirt, stumbled toward the exit just as Quatre, Trowa and Heero burst in. They only added to the general confusion, brandishing guns and hollering to Duo. The other, helplessly frightened customers, who a moment before had been calmly picking out birthday gifts, now cowered in corners or yelled at the cashier to do something.  
  
In the midst of all this, Duo slipped out the door unseen, followed by Wufei, Quatre and Trowa. Heero left after them, having to shot the wall beside the cashier first. This last event pulled the poor man into a dead faint, and so it was long minutes before the ringing alarm was belatedly noticed.   
  
The five Gundams ran away from the city, the intercoms filled with the shouts and victory cries of five boys who had pulled off a successful scam and stole their needed item.  
  
There was a faint click sound amongst the celebration, and then Wufei's triumphant laugh blocked out even Duo's yells of happiness.   
  
"HA HA, Duo." He waved a small rectangle in front of the intercom. "Now I don't have to give you any candy!"  
  
The three others immediately shifted their attention to the viewing windows, trying to see the blackmail item.  
  
Duo, however, had gone deathly pale. "You win, Wu-man," he gulped, "Just never show that picture again."   
  
Wufei smirked. "Done." The three curious pilots received a message despite that deal, and when they opened it, they found a full frontal picture of an apparently very pregnant Duo with his hair down and a wild look on his face.  
  
Four Gundams echoed the sound of laughter, and one the sound of a bout of embarrassed coughing.  
  



	3. More instructions; "You forgot something...

The five Gundam boys regarded the box sitting peacefully on their coffee table with stony stares

The five Gundam boys regarded the box sitting peacefully on their coffee table with stony stares.

"What do we do with it?" Quatre inquired politely.

"We wait." Trowa answered.

"Hn." Heero affirmed.

"Well, then, if we're just waiting, I'm going to go have some tea." Quatre disappeared into the kitchen, and the sounds of water boiling were heard in the quiet house. A clock on the wall behind them ticked off the second in an annoyingly loud voice, tick tock tick tock…

The doorbell rang, and the four pilots, just being to relax in the 'games' room, jumped, their favorite weapons appearing in hand. Quatre came running out of the kitchen waving a large steak knife. 

"AHH!" Duo leapt behind the couch, hiding from the sight of Quatre's gleaming knife, the muzzle of his bazooka gun poking out over the back of the couch. 

Quatre looked down, turned bright red, and scrambled back into the kitchen.

Heero looked at Wufei.

Wufei looked at Trowa.

Trowa looked at Heero,

Heero answered the door.

An inexperienced, and quite puzzled young man stood there, his finger hovering over the doorbell, preparing himself to ring it again.

He lost all courage when a shining black gun complete with silencer magically pointed itself at his head.

"Omoe o norosu." The boy holding the gun stated flatly.

The mailman, on the first round of his first day, had not yet learned any Japanese, and had no idea what Heero had just said. However, the gun helpfully translated.

"Wa…wait!" he cried, throwing both hands up. "It's my job!"

"What's your job?" another, strangely braided boy said, bouncing up to the first, gun-holding one and throwing an arm around his shoulders. The gun swerved to face the braided boy. 

"Omoe o korosu." The first repeated.

The mailman started slowly backing away.

"Hey, man, put that thing down!" the braided one protested, shooting innocent looks the mailman's way.

He ignored the appealing looks. He had a sinking suspicion that if he got involved, then the gun would be aiming at him again, and if _that _happened, then the end of his career was almost guaranteed. Still slowly backing away, he noticed with relief that he was nearly to his little anorexic bicycle.

"Hello." A voice behind him said.

The mailman almost died of shock when Trowa silently moved next to him.

"What did you come here to accomplish?" Trowa's bewitchingly soft voice asked.

"Uh…I'm just a mailman…my first day and all…package…first day…quit…cigarette…" the poor man disintegrated in meaningless words.

Trowa gently removed the simple brown package from the other's shaking hands.

"Don't worry," he murmured, "my friends won't hurt you. Who is sending this package?"

"Uh…don't know…no name…"

"How did you find our 'home'?" 

Trowa's soft manner and calm air were relaxing the man to the point where he could speak legibly again.

"Uh, the package came with directions."

"Ah. Well, thank you, and I hope my friends did not frighten you too much."

"No, no, not at all." The mailman lied, and hopped on his bicycle, pedaling away as fast as he could.

Trowa left Heero and Duo still arguing outside, and set the package down on the coffee table with the utmost care. Wufei removed the box that had been the object of their mission, the 'Nintendo 64', and locked it in a safe—just in case.

"Now what?" They both eyed the package. It was harmless enough in appearance, a rectangular box wrapped in ordinary brown paper and tied with a length of tan string. 

"I think we need Heero." Wufei decided.

"I agree." Trowa leaned backward and Wufei headed out the door. "Quatre, we are going to open this thing in a moment. You might want to be there."

"Of course!" Quatre called back.

Wufei returned dragging Duo by his braid, with Heero close behind, just as Quatre emerged from the kitchen with a tray upon which were set five cups and a teapot.

"Who's going to open it?" He asked, setting the tray down on a nearby table and pouring himself some fragrant tea.

No one answered.

Quatre looked at Trowa.

Trowa looked at Wufei.

Wufei looked at Duo.

Duo looked at Heero.

Heero refused to open the box.

The gundam boys, with the exception of Heero, were all completely shocked. Quatre fainted clean away as Trowa said in a stunned voice, "He refused to do it…"

Heero crossed his arms and smirked, a tiny hidden smirk.

"The look thing has always worked before!" Duo cried. "How could it fail?"

They all sat in silence for a moment. Quatre, revived, sipped his tea.

With a sigh, Wufei leaned forward and cut through the string and paper with the tip of his katana. 

The boys all drew back with a collective holding of breath.

The paper gently fell away to reveal a white box.

The boys all let out their collective breaths.

"It didn't explode," Duo sighed in relief, "But now what?"

They looked at each other, but before anyone could move, the box did. It rocked lightly from side to side, and then the top broke.

The boys screamed, with the exception of Heero, who whipped out a gun. All attention immediately focused on him.

Duo grabbed it, all, with a quick, "That could be instructions, man!"

"Correct." A clean, metallic voice said, slicing through all the arguing.

The five boys dropped whatever they held, and stared.

Instead of the ordinary closed box, they were faced with a flat, two-sided screen that had unfolded from within the box. Words were flashing on both sides of its surface, and the metallic voice repeated whatever the screen showed.

"What…what is that?" Quatre asked, gripping the side of the couch for support.

"I am a electronic monitor, connected to the scientists through satellite transmissions."

"Oh."

"Now, if you boys would stop fooling around, I will give you the mission details."

Dead silence met its words.

"Very good." The voice said approvingly. "**To the pilots of the Gundam Mobile Suits; Wing Zero, Deathscythe, Heavyarms, Sandrock and Shenlong.**

From: the five scientists.

Your mission has gone well so far, but we are disappointed to note that you failed to locate and retrieve either the six controllers instructed, or the 'Mario Kart 64' cartridge. These materials are crucial to your mission. Get them. Now.

Further instructions will follow once you have completed this mission. 

This screen with self-destruct in 10 seconds.

P.S. We found the picture of Duo especially amusing. That is all."

Duo blushed.

"Now," the voice continued, losing the bold and businesslike quality it had held a second before, "I suggest you get out of the way."

Mad scrambling ensued as the gundam boys tried to get out of the way.

"10…9…8…6…5…4…" Trowa tripped over Quatre as they both attempted to fit through the doorway. "3…2…" Wufei said still through it all, a little smirk crossing his face."1!"

Wufei was all alone, his only company the screen and a few upset papers that were still floating in the air, tossed up by the movements of the gundam pilots.

"Wufei," the screen said, "You saw through my ploy."

"Yes." He said simply.

"How did you know?"

"You skipped the number seven." Wufei pointed out triumphantly.

The screen reflected for a minute. "Ah," it admitted, "so I did. No matter. I was hoping you would stay so that I could congradulate you on your excellent plan yesterday."

"Thank you." He bowed.

"Did you have the entire embarrassment of Duo all planned out from the beginning?" The scientists, via the screen, inquired.

"Yes."

"That was clever," it said admiringly. "How did you know it would work."

"Well," Wufei said proudly, not bothering with weak concepts such as modesty, "I knew Heero would give the orders, and I knew he would rule out Quatre for his temperament, Trowa for his stony silence, and himself because he is the 'Perfect Soldier' and would want to stand guard. That left me and Duo, and I was able to get Duo to look that…humiliating."

"Very good." The screen said. "We thoroughly enjoyed the picture he made. Well, you'd better be going, or else the others will complete the mission without you."

"I suppose." Wufei said, not moving.

"I'm going to explode now."

"I believe you."

"I am, really."

"Uh huh. Whatever you say."

"10…9…8…7…6…" Wufei sat still, smirking, and staring at the screen. He knew better. It wouldn't make him run like a frightened child. That would be weak. "5…4…I'm serious Wufei…"

"Sure."

"3…2…"

Wufei started to get a little nervous. It hadn't skipped any numbers yet. Ah, but he was too clever for it, he knew it would skip number one.

"1!"

The screen exploded in a shower of whipped cream and strawberry jelly, spattering all over the stunned pilot.

"INJUSTICE!"


End file.
